Calm is Contagious

I had a meeting in three hours that I knew was going to start sideways.

I’d been told the other side was bringing knives.  Maybe swords.  The anticipation was already consuming me. Morning routine started… coffee in bed.  It’s before the day had even started and I could feel my heart rate creeping up.

That sip of coffee was the pattern break.

I put down the mug, shut my eyes, and just focused on what my breaths look like coming in through my nose and out through my mouth. Five minutes. The technique landed. Four-count inhale. Four-count hold. Four count exhale.  Box breathing.  A few rounds and I was back at 57 bpm. Three problems I’d been stuck on for two weeks unlocked in the same window. Headspace cleared.

But calm wasn’t enough.

I had the space now to make the call. I still had to decide how I was going to show up. Knives out? Shields up? Meet them where they were?

No.

I pulled out my notebook and wrote a sentence ten times.  A focus trick I picked up from Tim Ferriss’s Tools of Titans.

I will not meet them where they are; I will be the bigger person.

Then for lines eleven and twelve (possibly driven by my oft desire to find balance in everything), I wrote:

I will be the better human.

That’s how I walked into the meeting.  And while their knives were out, my demeanor disarmed the whole thing.  They had no other attack strategy.  They were frustrated at first.  Then, they had no other choice.  They calmed, too.

The lesson I keep coming back to is this: leadership in pressure is two moves. Most leaders skip the first one. Regulate your body so you can use your mind. Then choose your posture so you can lead.

The pressure keeps climbing. AI is accelerating what’s coming at them. The regulated nervous system is the contagious signal in the room.

Four-count in.  Four-count hold.  Four-count out. Then walk in as the better human.